When my first son was born, I soon realized how the hours in the day seemed to slip out of my fingers more quickly than before I had a little one. 🙂 Along with the many things that I was unable to accomplish during the day, I also realized how hard it was for me to sit for an extended period of time and do my Bible study. And so the “mommy guilt” set in…Was I failing God because there were days in a row where I didn’t open my Bible? Was I a “bad Christian”? Yet, God gently and graciously spoke to my heart: “My Child, I know you are tired, exhausted, and feel badly for not being able to spend uninterrupted time with me each day. I understand! I love you with an everlasting love, and I will meet you where you are at today.” And so He did…While I wasn’t able to open my Bible each day, He gave me priceless moments with my child in which He which He whispered His truth into my heart. I felt prompted to write them down for the purpose of hopefully being able to also encourage other moms as well. I pray they uplift your heart and that they remind you of how much you, precious mama, are loved. This post begins the first of a mini-series called, Devotional Reflections. May you be blessed and feel embraced. :)\
Small hands with tender fingers stroking her face. Piercing blue eyes staring into those of the one who loves him. Arms outstretched and unashamed. It as if he says, “I am your beloved one.” Oh, how beautiful and free.
It was a morning like any other, and maybe some would still consider it a normal day when all said and done, but for me, it was one that is forever etched in my heart and mind. Little did I know that one interaction would give me a new perspective on what it means to walk freely, forgiven.
Just as a stroked the last of the mascara on my eyelashes, the sounds of my sweet son could be heard from upstairs. As I made my way to him, my heart was again reminded of the tremendous gift that God had given to me by sending him into our lives. He truly was a miracle. Having found true healing from a past eating disorder that had plagued my mind, body, and soul, I had spent years desperately praying that I would be able to conceive. Pregnancy test after test, I became discouraged by the negative results again and again. Would I ever hold a child that had grown in my womb? Would I ever have the privilege of wiping little tears from rosebud cheeks? Would I ever feel the tender hands in mine as I listened to my little one utter simple, child-like prayers before bed? Yet God knew the deepest desire of my heart; He had not forgotten the cries that poured from my soul. And, in His perfect timing, he sent us our first son, His beautifully created child.
Now my little boy lay awake with anticipation in his eyes. The soft creaking of the floor was a familiar sound for him as I approached, ready to swoop him into my arms. Reaching his bedside, I stopped, and in that moment, our eyes locked. It seemed as if our hearts beat to the same rhythm. And then, in the next instant, my precious boy did something that I will never forget. Without reserve, shame, or fear, he reached with both of his hands and tenderly placed his hands on my cheeks, all the while, never losing eye contact with me. We were one. No one and nothing else mattered in that moment but our relationship. Our souls danced to the same song, never losing step with each other. In words spoken loudly from his heart, he said to me, “Mama, I am yours. Hold me, and let me rest my head upon your chest as I trust your love for me.”
As I picked him up, I found myself reflecting upon that brief but powerful interaction with my precious child. His heart knew that he could reach for me and that I would respond with unconditional love. He did not have to do anything to prove his worth or his value; rather, he trusted my sweet embrace. The Lord spoke to my heart saying, “Beloved child, I love you. You are mine. Come to me without reserve, without shame, without fear and let me feel your tender hands upon my cheeks. Let me wipe your tears. Let me hold you as you rest upon my chest. I am your loving Savior who will not reject you in your messes, your hurts, your failures, or your pain. Rather, I stand here with open arms ready to swoop you up and carry you through it all. I am full of grace. I am the Lover of your soul, the One who has paid for every one of your sins through my shed blood on the cross. You are forgiven, child. Oh, how beautiful and free.
“Lord, thank you for what you are teaching me through my children. You indeed, are the lover of my soul. You are the one that has forgiven me. Help me to come to you as a child today, unashamed. I want to trust your grace.”
In Jesus’ Name,